Hey People. I’m not sure if anyone can offer any sage advice tonight, but maybe someone will be able to identify with what I’ve written and that alone will make me feel less lonely. I’ve been divorced for a little over a year after having been married for many years to a man I had grown apart from. We were so far apart from each other emotionally that making love with him was almost intolerable for me. For years, I thought I was simply frigid. Soon after my divorce I met a man who, at first sight, made every hormone in my body jump to attention. I couldn’t believe the attraction I had to him. We went out for a while, then began a physical relationship that was beyond anything I could have imagined. I felt so womanly and beautiful and full of desire. At the time that I met him, he was involved in a relationship. That relationship ended several months ago. In the meantime, he has let me know that he is not looking for a committed relationship. This has always been fine with me, because having just exited a long marriage, I felt that I needed time to myself. So, he and I continued to have a wonderful, almost exclusively sexual relationship in which we would get together nearly every weekend and have virtually no other contact beyond that. As I said, I had had a miserable sex life as a married woman, and it was wonderfully satisfying for me to be able to express myself sexually for the first time in a very long time. Well, you’ve probably guessed what’s happened. A year later, he and I are still having a great time sexually (we choose to be sexually monogamous but are free to do whatever we choose…we’re just honest with one another), but I find that I want more from him. I have fallen in love. I want him around to do things with and to talk with and just to hang out. I’m no longer satisfied with just getting together for sex once in a while. I told him that I love him once after we had been together. He said nothing, but held me and showered my face with kisses. I feel like such an idiot sometimes for continuing to see him, but the hours that I am in his arms feel so wonderful. He is able to make me feel as though he might be in love, too. My head says he’s a darned good actor. My heart hopes that he’s feeling something too, but isn’t ready to take any steps forward. Meanwhile, although I casually date other men it’s him that I want. Even though I keep myself busy, I pine for him and I feel so lonely sometimes that I want to cry. I get so angry at him when he’s not here that I want to hate him. It’s as though I’m addicted to him. He embodies so many of the things I’ve always longed for . But I can’t have enough of him. I tell myself to give him up, but every time he calls, I crumble and say yes. By the way, I’m not some dumb kid….I’m a 40-something, college educated business woman. Any words of advice or comfort?
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