Relationship Columns

If the two of you are friends, and you don’t tell her, let her find out on her own, etc. if there ever comes a time when she finds out that you knew, she could be fire-breathing mad. And with good reason. I think that if you look one way, you will see you are beside a rock. If you lookthe other way, you are beside the deep blue sea. So, yes, I do think you need to tell her. But you need to do it in a way that offers her no way of explaining this one away. In other words, she might not believe you. Do you know the guy’s wife and kids by name? If you drop this into the conversation, it may make it a little more complete to her. In any event, you may need to be prepared for her to get angry. But I think you need to tell her. On the other hand, she could thank you and talk about how big of a creep this guy is.

Maybe the fact that you see things on different levels has more to do with the age difference than you think? Its amazing what even just a few years a of living does to ones view of things…You are looking at 30…he is staring at 50…I would think there would be some difference in how you two see things…What are some of the things you can’t seem to see eye to eye on? That might help in understanding the situation a little more. Its neat that he still hugs and kisses you…Sometimes that kind of thing means more than sex. After all a lot of people have good sex every night but their partner never shows them affection. Perhaps he is starting to feel more paternal toward you now for some reason? Just throwing out some ideas…In al;l relationships, open honest communication is the key to working out these problems. You both have to be willing to lay all cards on the table and look at everything. Good luck!

I use to be in relationship with my ex for 3yrs. for 1yr & 1/2 things where great, the other half was off and on. I’ve did some bad things to her and some in the relationship that wasn’t directed at her but got taken out of context that hurt her (I had to many people in my Buz). Moving to the present We’ve gotten close over the last few months, and started to love 1 another again. I had asked her to deposit a check for me in her chek acc. I was doing my freind a fav and Me and her was both getting some of the Money, which is what made me ask her also, but the chek turned out to be Counterfeit and not only did her acc. get put on hold then closed but her moms own got put on hold (because they share the same and bank), so now her mom got her account back but she dispises me completely! (if I could show you the letter you would knw) because of the past Problems that she told her mom and now this and I don’t know if they would ever forgive me and if we would have any kind of relation. I’ve tried to apologize and I’ve sent her things (which she returned),I know thats not enough but I’m looking for any Advice or Idea’s that would help because I did something that not only affected her but her moms and I really really, I can’t say it enough) am Deeply in love with her , we’ve been thru so much together and I think I’ve commited my last injust to her, which in now way I ment to .. so tell me what should I do … or should I just leave it alone …..

Well guess what? I did actually speak to him yesterday about things. I was adamant in telling him that he was constantly giving me mixed signals regarding whether our relationship would ever amount to a future together. But the most important thing was that I couldn’t get over the fact that he told me he was not in love with me. He tried to explain how he said it out of anger beacause I was constantly badgering him about where we were headed. He tried to tell me how much he loved me and that he had been talking to his coworkers about proposals and going about doing it, and how he’d talked to other folks about when we have a house together,etc. I told him that was all fine and good, but he never NEVER told me that he was thinking of those things - I was the one who really needed to hear those things from him. He didn’t give me a clue about it. But still I couldn’t/can’t get over the "not in love" part no matter why he said it. Actually guys, he said it to me before…a few months ago. Yet still he says he didn’t mean it and is in love. Right. I feel bad because if he is sincere, he doesn’t realize what he did when he said those words to me. And he should have let me know that he wanted me to be with him. But now, he’s agreed to leave me alone so I can move on. I am feeling weird again…not sorry I left, just sorry that we both couldn’t make it when we had so much potential. That sucks, and it hurts Still sticking to my guns

My dad’s wife was in her 50’s when she married my dad. He is her first husband and she lived a full, happy life on her own for all those years. She had a couple of serious relationships during her lifetime butr she waited for the person she felt was the best for her. Never sell yourself short. There are a lot of quality people out there - you find them by keeping your standards for what you are looking for in a mate. Live your life for you and when you aren’t looking that person may just arrive. If they don’t, well, you have your life to live. So enjoy it whether its alone or with a man. BTW - I understand about the age thing…I just turned 30 (still have a hard time with that number!) and I hated it. So much I wanted to have done as a youth that I never will. I still may achieve those things, but I wanted badly to achieve them as a child or young adult. I guess the film industry isn’t going anywhere, though.

I have broken up with my boyfriend. Long story, but the short of it is that he is not in love with me and hasn’t been for the longest time so he says. HE has been appeasing me by going further with the idea of marriage when I would bring it up. He would always talk about wanting to get married and having a family but he wouldn;t mention being married to me. I’m hurt right now…hurt that it is really over and that I won’t be spending my life with this person whom I thought was right for me. He has issues which stem from his family - his mother and sister are both in loveless marriages, and that worried me about being in a relationship with him…that he may turn around one day and tell me he no longer loved me but still wanted my company. Well the fear became reality. I am relieved that I don’t have to deal with the mind games and the double talk about our "future" together. I wasted 3 years with this man. Now I am 29 years old and single without the prospect of finding someone new. Let’s face it everyone, its not that easy now a days to find someone of quality to be with. I am faced with regaining my self esteem, my self respect, my pride…and I am okay with that. He still tells me he loves me but as a person he cares for and is special to him, and that he still wants to work on the relationship to bring it back to that of a loving and possibly long term commitment. I’m not into listening to this s**t. I’ve heard it once too many times from him. I blocked him from my email account, blocked his number from my phone, told him to f**k off. Have I forgotten anything?? I don’t really question it but, did I do the right thing by breaking off the communication? I think I did right. I used to have hope and think maybe things would get better but I don’t want to play myself like that anymore. Too much precious time has been wasted on something that only got worse instead of better over the years.

I just like to share to you my culture. I am from a chinese descent. We adhere to staying in a marriage for the sake of the children but your culture is so much flexible. Western are more open and willing to learn for the sake of love. What I am saying is: Before you talk to you husband openly, count your blessing. Weigh the pros and cons. There is no perfect marriage or perfect partner. If both is willing to work together for the good of the marriage, then there is a future. Don’t close your door. Love can be developed. If you believe in chemistry right away, it is wrong. There should be compatibility. If you don’t have solid 60% compatibility, perhaps you should try to rebuild the lost love again. Reality should tell you it takes effort and time to make it work. Why don’t you sit down and list down the pros and cons.

My husband’s birthday was a week ago…I arranged a party for him..Friends thaat he hadn’t been seen for one year. it was more like a dinner outside rather than a party.and it was fun.. Why don’t you cook her sth ? cake would be nice If she is working, just hang some posters in her way…It might be hanged on sidewalks.In her office or front door.. Rent a nice car (Cadillac) really significant one that pick her up in the morning

Well, the same things I like now - she has a great sense of humor, very compatible with mine - we both have sort of a ’sick’ sense of humor I guess you might say; we have a lot of other common interests - we both like music a lot and have very similar tastes in music, art, movies, etc. We’ve done a lot of creative things together, from being in bands together to putting together art projects and magazines, making movies etc. I dunno. Why do you ask? In a way it almost seems to me like things started going downhill after we had kids and couldn’t go out & do things together like we used to - we started taking turns going out to see bands or movies, her usually with friends, me usually by myself (she’s got friends in the area, and while I know a lot of people, most of them are not into going out to the same things I am, or just don’t have time to hang out & be friends). Now she prefers going out with her friends instead of me and if we ever do luck out & get a babysitter so we can go out together, she accuses me of just ‘tagging along’ with her like a puppydog or something. So I feel like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. If I don’t try to bring her closer, she’ll get more distant, but she gets pissed off & more distant when I do try.

I think it’s a combination of both. I’m an idiot and she feels crappy about herself for having married me. No, it’s not that simple, that’s just how I feel. It is a combination of both though. She is someone who gets bored with things easily, especially if they do not totally go her way. She starts things and whether successful with them or not, rarely sticks with them beyond a point where she feels she’s no longer getting any kind of novelty/amusement/enjoyment out of them. I can’t tell you the number of times I come home from working and she’s saying she’s sick & tired of the kids & goes running off somewhere to let me take care of them for the rest of the night, and yet she’s harping about wanting a third baby (which would be difficult since I had a vasectomy after our second, at her request). Like she’s given up on the two we have! It’s hard to believe we’ve actually been together as long as we have, considering this, but this is something that I’ve only come to realize about her in the last few years. > I know from my own experience that when I feel a profound lack of > love for myself, I have a hard time showing love for someone else. Oh, I’ve *never* gotten the idea from her that she had any love for herself. On one hand she is very concerned with her public image, how others see her etc. - she doesn’t want to do anything that anyone could ever find out about & interpret badly, and make her look bad somehow. It is a almost paranoid feeling, it seems to me. It makes her seem very proud if you dont’ look too closely. But really I dont’ think she has very high self esteem either, she has a great lack of confidence in herself. It’s really difficult to explain. But I think this self loathing of hers is the source of her bitter insults to me and always has been - she can say mean & nasty things to me, even in a funny teasing way, but whenever I have tried to tease her back in a similar way, she always took GREAT offense at it and was highly insulted. Which is a lot of fun - not.