My brother broke up with his girlfriend a few months ago and he knows that it was the right thing to do. But she is coming to town to visit (just as a friend) this weekend and he is so nervous that he can’t even sleep and it is causing other health problems for him (from severe stress). Their phone conversations usually start out nice and end in a fight. He talked to her on the phone last night and, after the phone call, he came to me very upset. He told me how the conversation went. He was saying things to her like, "I want to talk to you for a while when you get here." and "Can we just spend some time together and talk about things?" etc. I tried to explain to him that girls don’t want to hear a depressed ex-boyfriend asking if "we can just talk about things" because it makes them very uncomfortable. He doesn’t want to get back together with her, he just wants some kind of confidence-building closure.
So anyway, we talked way into the night, and again this morning (after he spent a sleepless night). After our conversation this morning, I gathered that he is very fearful about never finding someone and dying alone and unloved. So I told him that, if he is ever going to find someone, he has to be fun to be around, not all serious and wanting to "talk about things" all the time. He kept insisting that the only things women want are a good looking guy and money. Since he feels like he is not good looking (although I know some girls think he is) and he is not rich, no girl will ever have any interest in him because he just has nothing to offer them. I tried to tell him that most girls have already dealt with guys who try to "buy" a relationship from them, and most of them don’t like it.
I failed miserably at convincing him that money isn’t the only thing that girls are interested in. What’s even worse is that, after he broke up with his girlfriend, he moved here to live with me in Boulder until next summer when we are going to move to the west coast. But Boulder is a very rich town that attracts a lot of girls who really are just looking for money. If I don’t get through to him soon, then this town will reinforce his idea that money is the only thing that matters to girls. He thinks every girl in the world is, in his words, a "slutty little bitch". He’s really cool when he is not depressed, he has a hilarious sense of humor and a very laid back personality. He would attract some really great girls if he could just realize that girls want to have fun and enjoy their lives, and it doesn’t take money, it takes a guy who is fun to be around. He is 29, by the way, and he wants a life-long relationship.
Can any of you post a message to this group and offer him any advice, especially about how much of a factor money really plays for most girls when they enter into a relationship. He won’t believe a word I say. He really just needs to understand what some real-life women are looking for in long-term relationships. And be truthful, if you think money really is important, then say that.
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