Relationship Columns

Do you want to put to rest the people and situations from your past so they do not interfere with your current and future relationships? I bet you said yes. Who doesn’t have something in their past they want to put to rest? Then let’s talk about…

Well, the same things I like now - she has a great sense of humor, very compatible with mine - we both have sort of a ’sick’ sense of humor I guess you might say; we have a lot of other common interests - we both like music a lot and have very similar tastes in music, art, movies, etc. We’ve done a lot of creative things together, from being in bands together to putting together art projects and magazines, making movies etc. I dunno. Why do you ask? In a way it almost seems to me like things started going downhill after we had kids and couldn’t go out & do things together like we used to - we started taking turns going out to see bands or movies, her usually with friends, me usually by myself (she’s got friends in the area, and while I know a lot of people, most of them are not into going out to the same things I am, or just don’t have time to hang out & be friends). Now she prefers going out with her friends instead of me and if we ever do luck out & get a babysitter so we can go out together, she accuses me of just ‘tagging along’ with her like a puppydog or something. So I feel like I’m damned if I do, damned if I don’t. If I don’t try to bring her closer, she’ll get more distant, but she gets pissed off & more distant when I do try.

“The only thing worse than a man you can’t control is a man you can.” -Margo Kaufman Things sure have gotten complicated in dating. Changing gender roles often leave us confused about how we should interact as men and women in our…

I think it’s a combination of both. I’m an idiot and she feels crappy about herself for having married me. No, it’s not that simple, that’s just how I feel. It is a combination of both though. She is someone who gets bored with things easily, especially if they do not totally go her way. She starts things and whether successful with them or not, rarely sticks with them beyond a point where she feels she’s no longer getting any kind of novelty/amusement/enjoyment out of them. I can’t tell you the number of times I come home from working and she’s saying she’s sick & tired of the kids & goes running off somewhere to let me take care of them for the rest of the night, and yet she’s harping about wanting a third baby (which would be difficult since I had a vasectomy after our second, at her request). Like she’s given up on the two we have! It’s hard to believe we’ve actually been together as long as we have, considering this, but this is something that I’ve only come to realize about her in the last few years. > I know from my own experience that when I feel a profound lack of > love for myself, I have a hard time showing love for someone else. Oh, I’ve *never* gotten the idea from her that she had any love for herself. On one hand she is very concerned with her public image, how others see her etc. - she doesn’t want to do anything that anyone could ever find out about & interpret badly, and make her look bad somehow. It is a almost paranoid feeling, it seems to me. It makes her seem very proud if you dont’ look too closely. But really I dont’ think she has very high self esteem either, she has a great lack of confidence in herself. It’s really difficult to explain. But I think this self loathing of hers is the source of her bitter insults to me and always has been - she can say mean & nasty things to me, even in a funny teasing way, but whenever I have tried to tease her back in a similar way, she always took GREAT offense at it and was highly insulted. Which is a lot of fun - not.

It is an undeniable fact that a man is powerless to the charms of a beautiful woman. All men, however, have a different definition of beauty. Regardless of how a man defines what he finds attractive in a woman, there are several common male turn ons…

I have adored this man since I met him six years ago. We were constantly on a roller coaster of breaking up and making up. I discovered that he could not be trusted (I caught him cheating multiple times). I rationalized that I could still love him, as long as I saw him without blinders on and saw him for what he is and always will be. I thought that opening up the relationship to some alternative lifestyles (swinging, bdsm, "open" relationship) might give him the "spice" he needs and yet let him still be honest with me. You see, the deception is more hurtful to me than the act of him being with someone else. Him being with another woman actually turns me on. Anyway, it hasn’t really worked like I thought. I have recently caught him, still lying and cheating around. I don’t understand why he needs to do it that way when I would give him my blessing to be with whomever he wants if he would just admit it and be honest about it! I guess he enjoys the thrill of sneaking. Because I’ve been so crazy about him, I tolerated the cheating and other behaviors that should never have been tolerated. He has a mean temper and has become violent once or twice. when he’s angry he calls me terrible names. I really believe I would have left him if not for getting pregnant two years ago. Instead, I married him and now we can hardly stand each other. He is very good to the baby most of the time. As I’ve said before, our son adores him. So, to answer your questions, I believe I could win him back but at the price of my own soul. If I ignored his cheating and pretended I didn’t know, if I ignored his violent temper tantrums. I think I once thought I could get him to change, but I realize now the only changing he’s done lately is that he’s gotten worse and he doesn’t love me anymore so I have no leverage to get him to behave better.

“Get off the surface and deepen your relationships. Go after the buried treasures and reap the rewards.” Beth Tabak Get past the “how are you doing? how’s the wife and kids?” with the response being “good, not so good, or fine” to the story behind…

If the love was there once then it can be there again if you both want it to be. When you have kids the marriage definately changes quality..but that’s okay….it can be just as strong, but different. Why don’t you guys sit down, decide where you would like to get to and then make a gameplan? If you give it all you got and still don’t get anywhere, maybe then start thinking about alternate solutions. That is a big problem for me with Quinn. I had a hard time even getting him to verbalize what he wanted (with or without me.) And I really can’t get him to help set up a plan of action. So where I’m at now…is to hell with him. I will work on me…for me. I absolutely don’t want to be in this same boat six months from now

In the modern world everything is faster. People are used to getwhat they want in lesser time and in better quality. Human interaction is decreasing hand in hand with our socialskills. This is what makes dating one of the biggest problems…

My son is even the same age–18 months old. My husband and I would not have gotten married if not for the baby and we definitely would not be together now. We don’t like each other. If you were to leave and raise your daughter alone, you would manage somehow financially. Don’t let that fear alone stop you if you really feel leaving is best. Me, I can see how much my son loves having both his parents around him at home. It hurts to think of taking that away from him just because I’m unhappy. I keep thinking the ideal thing would be for us to stay together, sort of like room-mates. Separate rooms, separate lives, but both in the same house for the sake of the child. I have not come up with a way that might work out for us, though. Please let me know if you do.